My guide to me

My guide to me- part 1

1- I do not need to see you every day. Nor do I want to. We're not married so it's not necessary.
2- I like talking to you on the phone but let's keep it to a minimum. I'm good with once in the morning, maybe in the middle of the day and for about 3 minutes before bed. Other than that, text me. I don't have the time to sit on the phone with you. I have a baby.
3- My free moments don't have to be filled with things to do. I like my free time to be free for Bryn days. You rank lower than she does and it's something you have to deal with.
4- If I don't talk to you one day, nothing is wrong, I needed space. If I don't talk to you for 2 days, you probably annoyed me at some point. If it's 3 days, consider yourself curbed.
5- I don't want to meet your family after a week. Chances are you'll be dismissed in two weeks anyway and I don't want to know more people than necessary.
6- You're not meeting my daughter for a while. This means you're going to have to deal with seeing me less than you have probably anticipated. In the event that you do not kick me to the curb for lack of quality time, you'll score points for patience.
7- I do have a child but this does not mean you're getting anywhere with me.
8- If you start talking marriage with me in a month, you've curbed yourself. Anyone that desperate was single for a reason... Because you're desperate.
9- I have double standards. I'm being honest. I allow myself to be exempt from the rules I have for the standards I have. For instance- I have a kid and you do not. :)
10- I made a decision a few years ago and it was to not make decisions. So you're SOL if you want my input on where we're eating. If they have salads, chicken or nachos, I'm good. Considering most restaurants have one of those three, any place you decide is fine.
11- Don't expect much emotion from me. I'm pretty reserved. I don't gush nor do I get giddy.
12- You're not going to be skinnier than I am. That's gross. You're a guy and are expected to have some sort of weight on you. You're also going to be taller. I'm not going to worry about changing my shoes to accommodate you. Blame your parents.

You might be thinking, "she's going to be single forever" and that's just fine by me. Give me some Claritin and a cat and I'll be good to go. I don't need a man to complete me because God already made me whole. Honestly, I wouldn't date me. I am fully aware of how absurd I can be sometimes.

Laughing

Acronyms have taken over the world. I catch myself actually saying "omg" or "btw" quite frequently. Today I responded "lol" to a text and thought about it... I wasn't laughing out loud. Come to think of it, I didn't laugh at all. Not even a chuckle.

That sparked an entire thought process of how I respond to people. I figure I absolutely can't be the only person who does this. Read on...

LOL- "laugh out loud". I send it for a sentence filler. Or just a generic response to a text that pretty much says "I'm done with the convo now..." Except much nicer.

Haha- I might have thought about laughing but didn't. It might have gotten a snort of amusement but that's as far as it goes.

Hahaha- not to be confused with "haha". There is an extra -ha. I have probably actually laughed but it was short lived. Nothing I'll remember that you said in the next 30 minutes.

LMAO- "laugh my (butt) off". I've laughed out loud at this point. This is actually funny but I haven't laughed out loudly...

Hahahaha hahahaha!- yeah... I have literally laughed my butt off at this point. I'm probably going to turn and tell the person nearest to me what you said. They probably won't find it as a amusing.

See, laughter isn't easy. There is a science to laughing at your texts. I'm a jovial person but rarely do I reach the multiple "hahaha" stage. Next time you receive a laughing response from me, please refer back to this blog to figure out if it's a pity laugh or if I actually found you to be funny.

How to...

I've realized many things Bryn does is just payback for the terror I gave my mother. I see so much of me in her, it's scary. With that being said, I've learned how to NOT be her mom. Whaaat?

I always wanted to be the kumbaya mom. No spanking because verbal discipline should be good enough. No yelling because loud noises shouldn't be the way to discipline.... Get it? Because she sure didn't.

Here is my list of how to NOT be her mom

1. Ignore her when she's whining. NOT! She will follow me, get louder, whine more, repeat my name until I'm forced to turn around and say "WHAAAAT?!"
2. Tell her "no" and expect her to understand. NOT! No means nothing to her. No? What's that word? Certainly not in her vocab.
3. That verbal discipline? NOT! If I get on to her, she says "awh" and then gives me a hug. She repeatedly does this while I'm reprimanding her. It makes it incredibly difficult to get on to her.
4. I thought "eye level" would help her to understand me when I'm correcting her. NOT! In the event that she actually realizes I'm not playing, she hits me with whatever toy is near.
5. Time out chair. You guessed it, NOT! She makes time out into some kind of entertainment factor. Such as- how long can I stand in the chair until mommy sees me?, or how loud can I scream?, or my personal favorite... How many times do I have to get up before mommy pops me and let's me go on about my business.

She's really a great kid. The Lord certainly blessed me with her. She's not perfect though. I've got my hands so full. At this point, I tried the kumbaya treatment and realized that will only result in Bryn being "that" child. However, popping her diaper only results in about 10 seconds of tears and a daredevil child who will go back to doing exactly what she got in trouble for doing in the first place.

Sorry Mom. Lift the curse please?

Begin again

Miss me? Probably not.

After a slight bit of inspiration today, I decided that people need to hear my thoughts again. It might have something to do with posting a status that got 52 "likes" on FB. No really, I've been thinking about blogging again and even logged in to my blog account a couple of times. Most of my material last time was being mean about others. Either I was a moody pregnant woman or fear that my judgmental comments will result in Bryn's features resembling a troll or monkey has made me decide to be less hateful about people. Instead, I'll pick on myself.

I was scrolling through my newsfeed today and noticed nearly everyone was married. Even two "unfortunate" looking people. In my disbelief, I sent my best friend a text "they're married.... and I'm single". To which she replied, "they're not picky". Be that as it may, I have standards. Then I thought it over and decided.... she's right. Below you will find a list of reasons why I have chosen to discontinue potential relationships with otherwise really great guys:

1. His lips were too thin.
2. He was too short.
3. His hairline was receding.
4. He was too emotional.
5. He had back hair.
6. His breath was bad. (Admit it, this is always a deal breaker. Don't judge me.)
7. His hand grazed my tata.
8. There was a "friend" in his nose.
9. I didn't like his phone voice.

and the most famous?? -10. He ice skates weird. No really, he was ice skating terribly. It was like he was walking.

What have I learned from these experiences? To buy Claritin and about 29 cats because I'm never going to find someone that I won't pick apart. If I don't find anything wrong with him, it's because I'm dreaming.

"two roads diverged in a yellow wood"

It's safe to say that I sucked it up at doing the 30 day challenge. Maybe if it wouldn't have gotten a little silly after the second day I would have been more interested in doing it. My apologies for not committing.

Not bashing today folks :) Well, maybe myself.... but then I'm patting my back.

At some point in time people have to grow up. For instance, the moment I saw "pregnant" on the EPT test I knew my life was about to go wild. No more shopping for clothes, spending ridiculous amounts of money on purses (though Coach will always have my heart), pretending I'd be young forever.... it halted. Not saying I embraced the idea of motherhood in that instant. It took me about 4-5 months to really realize that this kid was coming whether I was ready or not. So I put my big girl panties on a started on the road to "growing up".

I think I would still be trying to figure out who I am going to be and what I'm going to do if it wasn't for Baby B. The next few years of my life are going to be rough but I've got an amazing support team. Now instead of online shopping for me I'm online shopping for her (if I go to the actual stores I walk out with something). If it wasn't for her I would probably be driving around in a new Honda Pilot (I really love those things). However, my Xterra is just fine and the safety ratings on it are good too :). I can't very well be a good mother to her if I'm too concerned with my own selfish wants because she comes first. I know my end goal, it's to be Bryn's mother.

day 2 of 30 :)

day 2 - A picture of you and a person you have been close with for a while


Uh, duh... my sister :)




That's me and B. As you can tell we were stylish.... or not. Mama said she was scared we hated each other when we were younger. I couldn't imagine a better person to torture as I was growing up. Did I mention I'm not done growing up? So yes she still gets tortured. We pretty much balance each other out.

Day 1 of 30 :)

I'm thinking some of you have possibly seen the "30 Day Photo Challenge" on Facebook. If not then Google it. Well, I got to thinking I'll just turn it into 30 days on my blog instead of FB. It's a turn from seeing me bash everyone :)


day 1: a picture of yourself with 10 facts



That's me like 2 years ago. This pic always cracks me up and it's the first one that came to my mind when I saw day one. BTW- I'm not going to be posting serious photos on here. So if you're my friend you better watch out because only the embarrassing ones will be going on here.

1. I have a beautiful baby girl on the way and she will be named Brynlee Sarah-Gail Duncan. Sarah and Gail are my two grandmother's names. Gail is also mine and my mother's middle names.
   
2. I can not say "comfortable" the correct way. I get asked to repeat it and then laughed at if I ever say it. So you know what I do? I avoid that word if at all possible. :)
3. I probably put on deodorant 100 times before leaving my house because I figure you can never be too safe. There is also 2 sticks of deodorant in my car in case I feel like I need it.
4. I micromanage my older sister but I'm also very protective of her.
   
5. I think if you ask someone's opinion you shouldn't get mad at them when they give it to you, even if it's not what you wanted their opinion to be.
6. I hate apologizing and half the time it's not a sincere apology. However, there are times when I know the right thing to do is to apologize for my errors and when I apologize at those times it's the most sincere apology I'll ever give. Those are rare occurrences.
   
7. I'll be going back to school starting in June to work towards a degree in nursing. It's going to be difficult because I have to retake some core classes since I got really lazy and basically only attended some of my classes to socialize. BTW- college professors don't play.
8. I've started noticing that I'm acting more like a grown up now since my baby is almost here.
9. I like diagnosing people with the most off the wall diseases.
   
10. I absolutely love to learn new things. I really hope Bryn is that way too.