Thursday, December 6, 2012

My guide to me

My guide to me- part 1

1- I do not need to see you every day. Nor do I want to. We're not married so it's not necessary.
2- I like talking to you on the phone but let's keep it to a minimum. I'm good with once in the morning, maybe in the middle of the day and for about 3 minutes before bed. Other than that, text me. I don't have the time to sit on the phone with you. I have a baby.
3- My free moments don't have to be filled with things to do. I like my free time to be free for Bryn days. You rank lower than she does and it's something you have to deal with.
4- If I don't talk to you one day, nothing is wrong, I needed space. If I don't talk to you for 2 days, you probably annoyed me at some point. If it's 3 days, consider yourself curbed.
5- I don't want to meet your family after a week. Chances are you'll be dismissed in two weeks anyway and I don't want to know more people than necessary.
6- You're not meeting my daughter for a while. This means you're going to have to deal with seeing me less than you have probably anticipated. In the event that you do not kick me to the curb for lack of quality time, you'll score points for patience.
7- I do have a child but this does not mean you're getting anywhere with me.
8- If you start talking marriage with me in a month, you've curbed yourself. Anyone that desperate was single for a reason... Because you're desperate.
9- I have double standards. I'm being honest. I allow myself to be exempt from the rules I have for the standards I have. For instance- I have a kid and you do not. :)
10- I made a decision a few years ago and it was to not make decisions. So you're SOL if you want my input on where we're eating. If they have salads, chicken or nachos, I'm good. Considering most restaurants have one of those three, any place you decide is fine.
11- Don't expect much emotion from me. I'm pretty reserved. I don't gush nor do I get giddy.
12- You're not going to be skinnier than I am. That's gross. You're a guy and are expected to have some sort of weight on you. You're also going to be taller. I'm not going to worry about changing my shoes to accommodate you. Blame your parents.

You might be thinking, "she's going to be single forever" and that's just fine by me. Give me some Claritin and a cat and I'll be good to go. I don't need a man to complete me because God already made me whole. Honestly, I wouldn't date me. I am fully aware of how absurd I can be sometimes.

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